May.30 Long Island

Dear Readers,
Each day when I open my mailbox beila@beila.net, I was so moved to tears because of all your precious love, care and concerns that pour onto me…. As I was brought up near the HuangPu River, Shanghai, I have a natural closeness to water when I am grown up. Wherever I go, I would choose to stay near the water.

At this moment, I am standing besides the sea, with unseen shores, surrounding the Long Island. I am putting my sight at a very far place, where I could see the spark of a love and bond.

For a long time, I am always entangled and unable to pull myself out of my soul love. … I am not sure how far is dream from reality? Love or moral, which is more sacred? I knew where I came from but I know not of where to go! I am clear of what my soul belongs but was lost at where my life belongs? I had asked myself of the many whys? Why the one who most loved me is not the one I love most? Why do we missed our mutual love and only to be realized when it is too late? Why when I was despair and heart-broken, hope arises from the far horizon? No answer, except the loud roars of waves.

Recently, I am writing the “A Silent Volcano ", I wrote it with great pain I never had. It is a spiritual autobiography, portraying my entire life and love. However, I don’t know how the ending should be?

Facing the big sea, I am thinking. Few years from now, if I chose to leave the world, please don’t cry or erect any tombstone for me. I am contented in living in the hearts of those who love me; just let my ashes and the flowers be scattered into the big sea………

Water in the world merged; let my soul return to each of those unforgettable places: my hometown, HuangPu River; my youth days, Tokyo Bay; my artistic dreamland, Seine and my love soul, Ontario Lake.......